


Cucumbers, Condoms and Lube, oh my!

by setos_puppy



Category: Misfits (TV 2009)
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, nathan being nathan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 03:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10585419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setos_puppy/pseuds/setos_puppy
Summary: Nathan and Simon pop into the grocery. Simon wants food. Nathan is Nathan.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emocezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emocezi/gifts).



Simon pushed the trolley, which was squeaky and had a wonky front wheel, down the produce aisle in Tesco. He was in Hell. This was Hell, and he was in it. He was shopping, or attempting to, but he was with Nathan. Nathan of the tall willowy body and the gutter mouth. Nathan who was stealing grapes to eat, and throwing them at old ladies. 

 

They were going to get kicked out. They were already in community service and Nathan was just going to add more to the pile. Lovely.

 

Simon pulled out a bunch of broccoli and slipped it into the cello-bag before tying it off and adding it to the trolley before push-squeaking his way on.

 

"Eugh. What're buying that for?"

 

Simon whirled around, a hand still on the push bar and looked at Nathan. "Because _I'm_ buying the groceries. Until you start contributing to my rent and my food, you'll eat what I make."

 

Nathan pulled a face before shooting Simon the two fingered salute when he turned his back before shoving his hands in his pockets and trailing after the darker haired male. Boyfriend his ass, Simon was so pretentious Nathan was shocked they even did anything at all. He had hoped a few good fucks would remove the pole up Simon's arse, but it hadn't. 

 

Grinning, Nathan sauntered over to the bin of cucumbers and pulled out one and made his way back towards Simon, feeling smug. "Hey Barry," Nathan called as he rounded the trolley so he and Simon were facing each other. He dropped the vegetable to the vee of his legs, miming a wank. "Wanna suck my cock-cumber?"

 

Simon's mouth twisted into that almost smile - that attempt to keep himself in control when all he really wanted to do was break. He lowered his eyes and made a noise that could have been interpreted as a disapproving noise, when really it was a trapped laugh. Damn Nathan. 

 

"Put it away."

 

They were getting looks from the woman over by the oranges and Simon wanted to actually eat for the next few days and not get kicked out, thank you very much. 

 

"C'mon Barry, you know you want it." 

 

Simon lunged, grabbing for the piece of food and after a very brief tussle, he managed to grab hold of it and used it to smack Nathan in the shoulder.

 

"Why Barry, if you wanted to get kinky, you should have just asked."

 

By aisle five Nathan was eating out of a bag of crisps as they trundled along. Crunching in a loud, purposely annoying fashion. Simon just pushed along and wondered what breakfast cereal to get. 

 

By aisle ten, Nathan was spewing filthy dirty talk, that under the right circumstances, would have been working for Simon. Right now, however, they were just serving to embarrass him and make him want to run and hide. Not to mention he was pretty sure there was a child an aisle down that really didn't need to be hearing about this. 

 

"I wanna fuck you so bad," Nathan breathed against his neck, pressing close behind him, hands squeezing at his slim hips. "You can turn us both invisible and we could fuck right here. Right now."

 

"Against the shelf of soup, really? I never knew you were so romantic."

 

Nathan sucked hard at the weak spot on Simon's neck making his knees buckle slightly and he grabbed at a shelf, which rattled dangerously. Nathan hummed and scraped his teeth, making it very hard to think. 

 

"Ow, Jesus!"

 

Simon turned, blinking stunned, wide eyes. "What?"

 

"You dropped tomato puree on my foot."

 

Simon just smirked and pushed the trolley along.

 

They ended up making out behind a display in the ice cream section. One Simon's arms wrapped loosely round Nathan's neck while the other grabbed greedily at Nathan's arse. Nathan purpled his shoulder, a hand shoved down his pants. The glass was cold against his back, but Nathan was hot, so hot, and so inviting. 

 

"Nathan," Simon panted, scratching a hand across the back of Nathan's neck.

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Nathan!" Simon pushed the Irishman back and straightened up his shirt.

 

Nathan opened his mouth to bitch but when he spotted the security walking in it's neon orange vest he took the box of ice lollies that was shoved in his face. They headed off as quickly as they could to find milk.

 

"Checking out, dears?"

 

Simon nodded his head, smiling pleasantly to the woman. Who was scanning the items through, placing them in the paper bags with fluidity that came with practice. "Oh, we also had a bag of crisps, but someone," Simon shot a look at Nathan, who was looking through titty magazines, "ate them already. I have the packet if you'd like to scan it."

 

The woman nodded, taking the packet and scanning before tossing it away. "Lovely, that'll be --"

 

Her total was cut off as Nathan tossed a box of Trojans onto the conveyor belt, looking over the open, adult magazine he was reading. "We're out."

 

Simon just smiled pleasantly at the cashier.


End file.
